Goblet of Fire review, by Gregory: Continued...
Which makes this a nice break for my insanely-hopeful DVD-box quotes for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Here
are thirteen suggestions, casually offered:
13. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
12. "The Goblet Of Fire Will Set Your Knickers Ablaze With Wonder!"
11. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
10. "Much More Wizardry Than In Your Tiny Little Life!"
9. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
8. "What's Shirley Henderson's Telephone Number!"
7. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
6. "A Lot Like Welcome Back, Kotter, Except Instead Of Sweathogs, It's Hogwarts!"
5. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
4. "Romantic And Enchanting Almost To The Point Of Nausea!"
3. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
2. "It's Got An Asian Girl In It!"
and, of course,
1. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
Thank you for your consideration.
Okay, now about this Asian girl: The character is called Chump Change...er...I beg your pardon. She's called Cho Chang,
and she's played by a young woman named Katie Leung who apparently beat out 5,000 others at an open casting call to
get the part (much like Tia Carrera did in Wayne's World, and if I'm not mistaken one of the development execs over at
Paramount ended up marrying one of the less-lucky girls who was standing in line that day; I saw him in a natural foods
market a few years ago but neglected to ask him, although, intriguingly, his surname is the same as one of the characters
in this movie). Anyway, Leung is quite lovely and either has or impressively feigns a Scottish accent, which is darned
interesting to behold, particularly when she's framed by huge, snow-covered mountains in what is probably the most
beautiful single shot in the entire movie. Cho the character is supposed to be but one year older than Harry, and
represents his first serious crush, all of which is handled very nicely, especially since there's also an underlying
competitive edge, Cho being the Quidditch "Seeker" (Harry's position) for rival Hogwarts house, Ravenclaw.
Much of the romantic heft of the movie ("heft" only in terms of, say, a Meg Ryan movie having "heft") occurs at the
Yule Ball, which really is quite gorgeous to behold (despite Weird Sisters being out and Marketable Rock Band being in),
revealing the strain of Cho attending with Harry's rival Cedric, and Hermione essentially being robbed right out of her
cradle by the daunting, bearded Krum (for some reason, good people in the franchise get first names, but Viktor is
"Krum" like Draco is "Malfoy") -- which connects to some nice complexity regarding Ron having some unexplored
feelings for Hermione, as well as being gaga in a nearly homoerotic manner for Quidditch superstar Krum (early in the
movie, Ron exclaims, "He's more than an athlete -- he's an ARTIST!" to which Ron's little sister Ginny replies, "You're in
love, Ron.") The Yule Ball also allows us to witness Hagrid trying to grope Madame Maxime's giant-buttocks (er, thanks,
Klove -- all of their struggles over lineage tidily discarded) and it allows us to witness firsthand how Britain mistreats both
Women and Indians, as Harry and Ron end up with the Patil sisters (Shefali Chowdhury and Afshan Azad) and basically
spend the Ball ignoring them and refusing to dance with them. Fortunately, the whole thing gives us even more reason to
appreciate Grint as a performer, as his initial modelling with his mother's newly-procured moldy-old bargain-bin dress
robe looks like something Prince's wardrobe would have thrown up before the fall of Cromwell.
Hey, now a few words about the Weasley family, since we're on the subject. First, you know, Rupert Grint really steals
the show, doing his usual tics of misery and abject terror, but also layering in a hearty amount of adolescent
awkwardness, social confusion, pure cornball antics and even jealousy. He's the finest of the trio this time around. But
the Weasley family as a whole...interesting. They're wonderful and whimsical as fiction, full stop -- one of the finest and
funnest fictional families ever put to the page. However, seeing them on the screen -- their ragged, ragamuffin ways,
their careless housekeeping, and, further, their careless reproduction rates, one cannot help but see a thinly-veiled,
white-trash hippie family, with Mrs. Weasley (just look at the surname!) as the sort of woman who'd be hocking her
own kids' heirlooms to buy herself a bag of pot -- when all along she should have been spending her paltry budget on
condoms! Sad, really. I like the Weasleys as fiction, but in real life they'd be much more problematic than even the
Dursleys.
Oh, hang on a minute: Dursleys coming right up.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire also spends a whole lot of time lingering on reaction shots of other Weasley siblings,
notably elder brothers Fred and George (James and Oliver Phelps, sure to make teen girls' hearts go fluttery with their
broad smiles, tireless tomfoolery and now apparently en vogue floppy hair)...and...Ginny (Bonnie Wright). The girl
doesn't really do anything in this movie, but the camera loves her; there must be at least a dozen shots of her in close-up,
simply being present when something is going on in which she is not actively participating. Someone's got a great agent.
Okay: Dursleys. They're not here. At all. Which is a crying shame, as the introductory sequence with them in this
particular book is a doozie, and really very funny, and it isn't here. Back when the project was in development, I recall
Richard Griffiths (who plays Harry's aggressively Muggles-only Uncle Vernon) begging the producers to allow the
Dursleys to attend the Yule Ball or something, so he could be in the movie, but no dice. Alas.
As long as we've begun that subject, let us consider much more of what is NOT in the movie adaptation of Harry Potter
and the Goblet of Fire. Oh, HUGE amounts of great material! No veela. No "Snuffles". In addition to the other Hagrid
material excised, the scenes involving his obsession with the monstrous Blast-Ended Skrewts (abstract monsters, part
manticore and part fire-crab, which grow to enormous size and keep killing each other and maiming the students) -- not
here. Likewise, Hagrid's next obsession, the treasure-digging Nifflers -- not here.
The whole explanation for why the primary student-trio's friend Neville Longbottom is deeply, wrenchingly horrified by
Professor Moody's classroom demonstration of the "Cruciatus" torture-curse -- not here. (This being a particular pity,
since Neville -- as portrayed by Matthew Lewis -- is really wonderful in this movie despite his limited screen-time,
particularly when it comes to his affinity for dancing.)
This list of woeful omissions could go on and on, but since you've already read what amounts to about twenty other
reviews put together, I'll cut to this chase: I find it unpardonable that the creators of this movie thought it acceptable to
omit the house-elves. Just plain wrong. Probably the richest vein of humanity in the book comes from the subplot
involving our old self-abusing pal Dobby the House Elf, with the introduction of his female acquaintance, Winky. In the
text, the scenes with these two truly sparkle, inviting all sorts of considerations involving indentured servitude and
battered women and culture-gaps and Haves Vs. Have-Nots and etc. In their absence, in the movie, none of these
considerations emerge. Sometimes screenwriters like to shout (at the top of their lungs) about how they haven't harmed a
book by adapting it -- if you want to read the book, fine, go read the book. But I disagree (and I think many, many
children will concur on this point): When a book gushes with as much subtle wit and humanity as Harry Potter and the
Goblet of Fire, the screenwriter really is doing the overall experience a disservice by hacking it up -- much like those
damnable "gardeners" I mentioned earlier, who go around every day, noisily ruining what could and should be large,
pretty and healthy trees and bushes. By excising Hermione's passionate quest to begin the Society for the Promotion of
Elfish Welfare (or "S.P.E.W."), a large amount of the heart of the book is lost.
What do we get in exchange? Well, for one, we get a much more drawn-out chase sequence involving Harry on his
broomstick and the fire-breathing, extremely aggressive Hungarian Horntail dragon attempting to cook his goose.
Frankly, I found this delivery a bit prosaic. Hold on -- I LOVE spectacle (Gandalf slashing at that Balrog still astounds
me) -- but the only times I really felt thrilled with the sequence of Harry and that dragon were when we were afforded
startled, stunned, scared and finally exultant reaction shots of his professors and peers in the grandstand. Otherwise,
while the aerial stunts and pyrotechnics were surely neato, I couldn't help seeing the dragon as Jango Fett and Harry as
Obi-Wan, out on the rooftops of the Kamino station, slipping and sliding and fussing and fighting. It really seemed like
the good folks at ILM simply pulled out the same animation template and made a few tweaks. Sorry. In the book, Harry
shrewdly outsmarts the monster in mere moments, and moves on. I like that better.
Moving along here as well, that dragon incident represents the first of three Challenges of the Triwizard Tournament, and
while worrying about tossing out spoilers is essentially a moot point -- given the movie's trailers and the Internet and
photos and the book and everything -- I'd like to comment that what is ostensibly the crux of the whole movie (Harry
competing in this tournament) keeps sliding increasingly off the tracks, narratively speaking.
Hey, hold on -- this is a wonderful movie, and very much worth seeing. Don't get me wrong. It just merits a real
appraisal, rather than a cosmetic gloss. Would I be staying up all night like this if I didn't care?
to PAGE FOUR (Review concludes...)
Which makes this a nice break for my insanely-hopeful DVD-box quotes for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Here
are thirteen suggestions, casually offered:
13. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
12. "The Goblet Of Fire Will Set Your Knickers Ablaze With Wonder!"
11. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
10. "Much More Wizardry Than In Your Tiny Little Life!"
9. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
8. "What's Shirley Henderson's Telephone Number!"
7. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
6. "A Lot Like Welcome Back, Kotter, Except Instead Of Sweathogs, It's Hogwarts!"
5. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
4. "Romantic And Enchanting Almost To The Point Of Nausea!"
3. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
2. "It's Got An Asian Girl In It!"
and, of course,
1. "The Magic Is Back, AND BETTER THAN EVER!"
Thank you for your consideration.
Okay, now about this Asian girl: The character is called Chump Change...er...I beg your pardon. She's called Cho Chang,
and she's played by a young woman named Katie Leung who apparently beat out 5,000 others at an open casting call to
get the part (much like Tia Carrera did in Wayne's World, and if I'm not mistaken one of the development execs over at
Paramount ended up marrying one of the less-lucky girls who was standing in line that day; I saw him in a natural foods
market a few years ago but neglected to ask him, although, intriguingly, his surname is the same as one of the characters
in this movie). Anyway, Leung is quite lovely and either has or impressively feigns a Scottish accent, which is darned
interesting to behold, particularly when she's framed by huge, snow-covered mountains in what is probably the most
beautiful single shot in the entire movie. Cho the character is supposed to be but one year older than Harry, and
represents his first serious crush, all of which is handled very nicely, especially since there's also an underlying
competitive edge, Cho being the Quidditch "Seeker" (Harry's position) for rival Hogwarts house, Ravenclaw.
Much of the romantic heft of the movie ("heft" only in terms of, say, a Meg Ryan movie having "heft") occurs at the
Yule Ball, which really is quite gorgeous to behold (despite Weird Sisters being out and Marketable Rock Band being in),
revealing the strain of Cho attending with Harry's rival Cedric, and Hermione essentially being robbed right out of her
cradle by the daunting, bearded Krum (for some reason, good people in the franchise get first names, but Viktor is
"Krum" like Draco is "Malfoy") -- which connects to some nice complexity regarding Ron having some unexplored
feelings for Hermione, as well as being gaga in a nearly homoerotic manner for Quidditch superstar Krum (early in the
movie, Ron exclaims, "He's more than an athlete -- he's an ARTIST!" to which Ron's little sister Ginny replies, "You're in
love, Ron.") The Yule Ball also allows us to witness Hagrid trying to grope Madame Maxime's giant-buttocks (er, thanks,
Klove -- all of their struggles over lineage tidily discarded) and it allows us to witness firsthand how Britain mistreats both
Women and Indians, as Harry and Ron end up with the Patil sisters (Shefali Chowdhury and Afshan Azad) and basically
spend the Ball ignoring them and refusing to dance with them. Fortunately, the whole thing gives us even more reason to
appreciate Grint as a performer, as his initial modelling with his mother's newly-procured moldy-old bargain-bin dress
robe looks like something Prince's wardrobe would have thrown up before the fall of Cromwell.
Hey, now a few words about the Weasley family, since we're on the subject. First, you know, Rupert Grint really steals
the show, doing his usual tics of misery and abject terror, but also layering in a hearty amount of adolescent
awkwardness, social confusion, pure cornball antics and even jealousy. He's the finest of the trio this time around. But
the Weasley family as a whole...interesting. They're wonderful and whimsical as fiction, full stop -- one of the finest and
funnest fictional families ever put to the page. However, seeing them on the screen -- their ragged, ragamuffin ways,
their careless housekeeping, and, further, their careless reproduction rates, one cannot help but see a thinly-veiled,
white-trash hippie family, with Mrs. Weasley (just look at the surname!) as the sort of woman who'd be hocking her
own kids' heirlooms to buy herself a bag of pot -- when all along she should have been spending her paltry budget on
condoms! Sad, really. I like the Weasleys as fiction, but in real life they'd be much more problematic than even the
Dursleys.
Oh, hang on a minute: Dursleys coming right up.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire also spends a whole lot of time lingering on reaction shots of other Weasley siblings,
notably elder brothers Fred and George (James and Oliver Phelps, sure to make teen girls' hearts go fluttery with their
broad smiles, tireless tomfoolery and now apparently en vogue floppy hair)...and...Ginny (Bonnie Wright). The girl
doesn't really do anything in this movie, but the camera loves her; there must be at least a dozen shots of her in close-up,
simply being present when something is going on in which she is not actively participating. Someone's got a great agent.
Okay: Dursleys. They're not here. At all. Which is a crying shame, as the introductory sequence with them in this
particular book is a doozie, and really very funny, and it isn't here. Back when the project was in development, I recall
Richard Griffiths (who plays Harry's aggressively Muggles-only Uncle Vernon) begging the producers to allow the
Dursleys to attend the Yule Ball or something, so he could be in the movie, but no dice. Alas.
As long as we've begun that subject, let us consider much more of what is NOT in the movie adaptation of Harry Potter
and the Goblet of Fire. Oh, HUGE amounts of great material! No veela. No "Snuffles". In addition to the other Hagrid
material excised, the scenes involving his obsession with the monstrous Blast-Ended Skrewts (abstract monsters, part
manticore and part fire-crab, which grow to enormous size and keep killing each other and maiming the students) -- not
here. Likewise, Hagrid's next obsession, the treasure-digging Nifflers -- not here.
The whole explanation for why the primary student-trio's friend Neville Longbottom is deeply, wrenchingly horrified by
Professor Moody's classroom demonstration of the "Cruciatus" torture-curse -- not here. (This being a particular pity,
since Neville -- as portrayed by Matthew Lewis -- is really wonderful in this movie despite his limited screen-time,
particularly when it comes to his affinity for dancing.)
This list of woeful omissions could go on and on, but since you've already read what amounts to about twenty other
reviews put together, I'll cut to this chase: I find it unpardonable that the creators of this movie thought it acceptable to
omit the house-elves. Just plain wrong. Probably the richest vein of humanity in the book comes from the subplot
involving our old self-abusing pal Dobby the House Elf, with the introduction of his female acquaintance, Winky. In the
text, the scenes with these two truly sparkle, inviting all sorts of considerations involving indentured servitude and
battered women and culture-gaps and Haves Vs. Have-Nots and etc. In their absence, in the movie, none of these
considerations emerge. Sometimes screenwriters like to shout (at the top of their lungs) about how they haven't harmed a
book by adapting it -- if you want to read the book, fine, go read the book. But I disagree (and I think many, many
children will concur on this point): When a book gushes with as much subtle wit and humanity as Harry Potter and the
Goblet of Fire, the screenwriter really is doing the overall experience a disservice by hacking it up -- much like those
damnable "gardeners" I mentioned earlier, who go around every day, noisily ruining what could and should be large,
pretty and healthy trees and bushes. By excising Hermione's passionate quest to begin the Society for the Promotion of
Elfish Welfare (or "S.P.E.W."), a large amount of the heart of the book is lost.
What do we get in exchange? Well, for one, we get a much more drawn-out chase sequence involving Harry on his
broomstick and the fire-breathing, extremely aggressive Hungarian Horntail dragon attempting to cook his goose.
Frankly, I found this delivery a bit prosaic. Hold on -- I LOVE spectacle (Gandalf slashing at that Balrog still astounds
me) -- but the only times I really felt thrilled with the sequence of Harry and that dragon were when we were afforded
startled, stunned, scared and finally exultant reaction shots of his professors and peers in the grandstand. Otherwise,
while the aerial stunts and pyrotechnics were surely neato, I couldn't help seeing the dragon as Jango Fett and Harry as
Obi-Wan, out on the rooftops of the Kamino station, slipping and sliding and fussing and fighting. It really seemed like
the good folks at ILM simply pulled out the same animation template and made a few tweaks. Sorry. In the book, Harry
shrewdly outsmarts the monster in mere moments, and moves on. I like that better.
Moving along here as well, that dragon incident represents the first of three Challenges of the Triwizard Tournament, and
while worrying about tossing out spoilers is essentially a moot point -- given the movie's trailers and the Internet and
photos and the book and everything -- I'd like to comment that what is ostensibly the crux of the whole movie (Harry
competing in this tournament) keeps sliding increasingly off the tracks, narratively speaking.
Hey, hold on -- this is a wonderful movie, and very much worth seeing. Don't get me wrong. It just merits a real
appraisal, rather than a cosmetic gloss. Would I be staying up all night like this if I didn't care?
to PAGE FOUR (Review concludes...)
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